Many people will tell you that what bothers them most during conversations is not the topic, but the attitude of the person they have conversed with. This predicament ends up to be the reason why friendships become superficial. As a result, one of you becomes either pushy or lifeless. Proper assertive behavior and body language, aside from possessing assertive communication skills, are therefore necessary in developing happy relationships.
Winning Friends
The right attitude to be able to win friends is to be more assertive. Being assertive is actually just your ability to stand up for yourself, tackle issues face to face, state your own personal views, and defend others when they are being taken advantage of. Contrary to what you may think, being assertive is very much different from being bossy and overbearing.
Getting Promoted
Assertiveness is actually a good thing. Without it, you inevitably hold back in your career and your personal life. If you are usually compared to another one of your co-workers because the two of you have similar levels of experience and skills, then it is more likely that the more assertive one is rewarded with the promotion.
It is natural that some people are more assertive than others; whether you are part of the former or the latter, it does not matter. What matters is that you get to learn assertive behavior, which ensures you are in the path for new opportunities.
For you to be assertive, you have to keep in mind the effects of positive body language. It is not difficult, actually. You just need to show the person you are talking to that you are attentive and that you truly care about whatever topic it is that you are discussing.
Eye-to-eye Contact
When in a conversation, you have to do everything you can to maintain eye-to-eye contact. It is believed that your eyes are the windows to your soul. Therefore, for you to be able to achieve a heartfelt and productive conversation, you have to show the other party your undivided attention.
You must not, under any circumstances, look around while the other person is talking. You have to always make sure that the person you’re talking to sees that you are truly participating in your conversation by listening intently, while maintaining eye-to-eye contact.
Leaning Forward
For you to be able to further express that you are, in fact, approaching your conversation with respect and attention, you may lean forward. Leaning forward is a gesture that shows that you want to hear more and would want the other party to expound on what he or she has just said.
Of course, leaning backward is the opposite. It proves that you are only engaging yourself in the conversation because you have to, and not because you truly care about what is bothering the other party.
You have to prevent yourself from being pushy in your newfound relationship. You must not force your opinions and beliefs on the other party if he or she radically believes otherwise. Just let things be, accept them as how they are.
Just be assertive. Taking the initiative of beginning a conversation, or in stating your views without pushing them to the other party, is the right way for a productive and effective conversation. Do not worry about giving the other party an image that you are overly confident; for being assertive is not only about being confident, it is also about understanding other people and the empathy that you give them.
Indeed, it has been observed and proven that body language has a huge part when it comes to being assertive. Body language shows the other party that you are attentive to what he or she is saying. It is not all about looking good and speaking for yourself. It is also about making other people more comfortable when they talk and express their personal thoughts with you.
Many people know how important body language is in effective persuasion and communications. Thus, when you’re trying to emphasize a certain point or idea, simply saying how enthused you are with an event is not enough.
For instance, if a friend came to you and told you news about his promotion, saying something like “That’s wonderful news!” with a rather blank expression runs the risk of the other person getting the impression that you’re just pulling his leg and talking through your teeth.
In order to express your statements fully, you need to accompany your expressions and comments with the right kind of body language. According to experts on the art of body language interpretation, there are two things you should keep in mind.
First, to emphasize a point, you need to apply body language that is concurrent with the statement. Second, you need to hyperbolize a bit.
For example, if you want to stress how large the lot you’re selling is, you can further drive the point home by stretching your arms out really wide while saying something like, “The property is so vast (stretch arms out wide) that you can practically build a house with a basketball court and pool there.” Using metaphors with body language works better.
You can shake or nod your head to react to an idea or event, take huge steps to show excitement, pound your fist on the desk and stomp your foot if you need to show a little aggression, and change your facial expressions according to the need.
Of course, not all body language have to be blatant to be effective. Sometimes, subtlety works a lot better, especially if you’re trying to convince someone to buy what you’re selling. Subtle body movements include cupping your palms and leaning forward to show you are serious, crossing your arms over your chest to signify that you’re not understanding the other party’s claims, and inclining your head to one side to reflect wonder.
To illustrate, you will know if the person you are talking to is losing interest in what you’re saying if he starts looking at his watch, shaking his leg, or tapping his foot. Shifty eyes are also an indicator of boredom, though it can also mean that the person is lying in another situation.
Indeed, communication is not just characterized by words. Body movements say a lot about what you are thinking at that particular moment; so if you’re a very transparent person, it’s not likely that you’ll be able to hide anything. It’s a different situation when you’re playing poker though.
